


50 Shades of Craig

by WalkerTetrisRanger



Category: Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 21:48:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1485247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkerTetrisRanger/pseuds/WalkerTetrisRanger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Working on TV can be a tiring lifestyle and sometimes you can only relieve your stress is by having crazy bumsex with another man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	50 Shades of Craig

“More tea, Drew?” Craig asked his old friend, motioning towards the tea pot on the table.  
“Don’t mind if I do!” came the reply, as Drew Carey reached to refill his mug.  
Craig looked around the room, he was in a reasonably large room with Victorian furniture, the walls in front of him lined with books arranged on two shelves separated by a fireplace that was quietly crackling between them, he could just about feel it’s warmth from the leather sofa on which the two of them were sat, him on the left and Drew on the right.

  
“This tea is positively lovely” remarked Drew as he took a long relaxed sip.  
“Tea is great,” agreed Craig, taking another sip and savoring the taste as he found himself increasingly lost in Drew's eyes “and coffee is for twats.”  
This was not entirely visible, but this stirred something in Drew, whose penis was now semi erect as he hung on Craig’s every word. He was also hung in his trousers. Not in the sense that someone executed him by means of hanging, but hung in the sense that he had a massive penis. When he told girls it was 11 inches, they rarely realised that he was talking about the diameter.

  
Craig took a sip of his tea and immediately regretted doing so. “Good lord!” he exclaimed “This tea is certainly very hot!”  
Drew leaned close to him and whispered softly into his ear, sending shivers down his spine “ _But not as hot as you.”_

Craig threw his cup of tea at the wall as hard as he could and tore his shirt open, raring to shove his Scottish willy right inside Drew, who had poured his tea over his head and was now rubbing his hands on his cheeks while puckering his lips and waggling his eyebrows.

“Why did you do that?” asked Craig “Now you have tea all over your face, I'm not going to have sex with you if you smell all like tea, you daffy cunt.”  
Drew leaned right back over the arm of the chair and, undoing his top two shirt buttons said “Then why not take a quick shower?”  
Craig loved shower sex to the extent that he couldn't actually ejaculate unless he could at least hear a running tap, he had jacked off in the shower so frequently that the sound of the bathroom door locking was enough to give him a semi.  
“Ready if you are, baby.” he purred, undoing the fly on his pants to reveal his pubes which were curly and ginger due to the fact that he is Scottish.

The night was about to begin. As the wolves howled at the full moon, so did Craig howl with pleasure as Drew licked his nipples, his glasses fogging up from nothing more than the steam coming from his eyes because that’s how horny he was.

They made their way to the shower, entangled with one another, their tongues interlocked like the wires on your headphones even though you only put them in your pocket minutes ago and have been sat perfectly still since. They made it about halfway to the bathroom when they collapsed in a heap on the floor in the hallway.

“I’m not exactly premature” moaned Drew “but at the same time it seems unlikely that I’ll last another minute.”

“Just think of that rhinoceros we saw at the zoo today.” said Craig, his heart nearly palpitating as a result of the wild, new sensations he was experiencing.

“Oh that works really well,” remarked Drew “I could last longer an hour now.”

They picked themselves up off the floor and almost jogged to the bathroom, Drew walking backwards as he beckoned seductively for Craig to follow. When they finally got there, Craig turned the shower on and threw his few remaining items of clothing to the floor. He gazed into Drew’s eyes and said “I am so gay for men – especially you. Let’s do lots of love until I've blown so many loads that my balls are noticeably smaller.”

Drew took off his pants and threw them at the ceiling and for some reason they just stayed there as though they were stuck to it.  
“Craig,” he asked “why aren't my pants falling?”  
“I have no idea and frankly I'm quite unsettled by this anomalous turn of events, but let’s ignore it for now because I proper fancy having sex with your bumhole right now.” replied Craig, who could now see that Drew’s pubes were shaved into the shape of a lightning bolt.

As they stepped into the shower, water cascading around them, Craig moved behind Drew and began kissing his neck, Drew’s eyes shut as his lips quivered.  
“I don’t care if donkey punch isn't a real thing.” whispered Craig as he nibbled his earlobe “I'm doing it anyway.”  
Drew’s penis twitched.

As Drew’s lips gently curled into a smile and as Craig’s kisses gave him shivers, he suddenly became aware of the fact that his glasses had fallen off and were lying lenses down by his feet. He bent over to pick them up. He knew what was going to happen as a result of this and so did Craig, they were ready for each other’s man love. The entire night had been building to this and as the warm water of the shower ran through Craig’s hair and down his back, he was so glad to be free at last. Drew, still bent over, simply sighed “It is time for the sex to happen between us.” Craig firmly placed his hands on Drew’s hips and licked his lips, he had a hunger that could only be sated by furious bumming, he was actually a sexually dangerous man and was capable of causing someone serious harm whenever he administered his love, but he knew Drew could take it. The tension had built to the extent that Drew had almost reached orgasm then and there, his lips quivering ever more violently as the anticipation began to climax.   
“IT IS TIME FOR THE BUTT JESTER TO PLUNDER THIS BOOTY, PREPARE YOURSELF FOR SOME VIOLENT LOVEMAKING.” yelled Craig as he grinned between gritted teeth, eyes wide like a cat about to pounce, his heart racing like a rabbit’s does as it’s chased by a fox, the bittersweet hours of waiting had amounted to this night, Craig wasn't married to Drew, but tonight he needed some consummation.

Craig roughly entered his butt.

Once Craig had shoved all 16 and 5/8ths inches of dirty love up Drew’s backside, he felt an ecstasy that was totally new to him, it went in and out, in and out, both of them yelling with every push. Craig flexed his bicep as he pounded that sweet ass, grinning from ear to ear. There were no more saints or sinners: all that mattered now was the grotesque display of bum love that now existed between these two men. A few metres away, Craig’s next door neighbour masturbated with one ear to the wall.

Craig’s balls slapped rhythmically against Drew’s ass, pounding and pounding, making a noise similar to a leather couch being struck by two billiard balls stuffed in a sweaty sock.

“Hey Drew, if my cock was named after shampoo, you know what it would be called?” yelled Craig, shower water dripping down his face and onto his lips.

“I don’t know; what would it be called?” replied Drew.

“I have no idea,” Craig moaned, still pounding “but it definitely wouldn't be No More Tears.”

Craig jacked off and ejaculated all over Drew’s back, throwing his head back and yelling as a wolf does to the moon, rubbing his chest in a circular motion with two fingers.  
“GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!” he yelled, as his entire body trembled, water from the shower running down his face and falling from his bottom lip onto that nice ass he’d just demolished.

Drew stood up straight, his anus sore but suitably pleasured, turned around and gave Craig a little kiss on the cheek. Craig put his hands on Drew’s shoulders and sighed. “Tonight has been sensational.”

Drew asked “So… what now?”

Craig held Drew in his strong, firm arms and gently kissed him on the forehead.

“I'm sorry," he muttered, gazing ever longingly into Drew's hypnotic eyes, "but as certain as the day is followed by the night, I must go to where I am needed.”

There he was transfigured before him. His face shone like the sun, and his pubes became as white as the light. Just then appeared before Drew Craig’s new form: a bear with the most beautiful eyes Drew had ever seen, wearing a fedora.

Tipping the fedora, Craig said “See you, Space Cowboy.” And took off, exploding through the ceiling above them and shooting through the roof of his house. He flew and flew, eventually exiting the atmosphere and, as Drew shed a single tear for his lost love, Craig became the latest star in the night sky. He would become known as “the Star of Scotland” as, if you followed his position in the sky, you would always arrive at his glorious home country. In the following years, he would guide many sailors and lost children home.

And sometimes, in the dead of night while he was warmly tucked into his bed in that elusive penumbra between sleep and consciousness, Drew would hear his ex-lover’s voice sweetly calling to him.

_“This is my swamp.”_


End file.
